


searching for the north star

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Historical Inaccuracy, M/M, Sappy Ending, and not only because it’s fanfic this time, i kind of gave up early on historical accuracy my history professor family is rolling in their grave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 04:29:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21207407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When they step outside, Dan can feel the wind cold on his cheeks, making him shiver.  It’s dark outside, with the only light being that of the street lamps below, lining the way to the manor, and the stars above.  Phil once showed Dan how to find his way by the stars, starting from the North Star above.written for the pff bingo 2019, for the prompts “arranged marriage,” “writers choice (secret relationship)” and “make a wish.”





	searching for the north star

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i am aware that “make a wish” is a reference to the Make a Wish Foundation.  
no, i don’t particularly care.
> 
> have a good time please i wrote this in 24 hours it’s a slight mess and leave me some kudos and comments because i will die without validation.
> 
> say hi on tumblr @iamalwaysclowning

There’s an engagement ring on Dan’s finger, new and heavy, weighing down his hand. It’s cold on his hand, and golden bright enough that he knows people’s eyes are drawn to it, no matter what he wears. Dan cannot express how much he hates it. He would take it off if he thought no one would notice.

But everyone would notice. Right now, that ring, and everything it means for Dan’s family, is all anyone cares about, and it feels like half the manor has their eyes on it at all times. If Dan went missing, it would probably be the only thing that would make his family realize.

“Daniel!” Dan recognizes his mother’s voice, coming through clearly from the downstairs. His mother’s always been loud, as has his father, but Dan’s always been quiet. His father never liked that much about him.

_“In a world like this,” his father would tell him, “you’ve got to stand up and take what you want. You don’t do that with a voice like yours.”_

But Dan’s voice never changed, and his personality didn’t either, Dan always preferring to stay more in the shadows than in the spotlight. That’s why, eventually, Dan’s father got tired of telling him to take things, and started taking things for him. That’s why, now, Dan is wearing a ring.

The ring glitters and shines in the light as he heads downstairs to see his family, and Dan just knows that they’ll mention something about his marriage-to-be. His father hasn’t stopped talking about how hard it was to find a good wife for Dan, and how many strings he had to pull, and how lucky Dan is to get this chance, since the ring first arrived in its red velvet box.

“Daniel!” His mother shouts again, louder this time, and Dan sighs. He knows he’ll have to face his family sometime.

“I’m coming, mother!”

Opening his door, Dan starts to walk downstairs, dragging his feet as he does so, despite how childish the action is meant to be.

Sometimes Dan really wishes he’d taken up his parents’ offer to send him to a university a few years ago. At least there, he wouldn’t have had to deal with his parents and their ideas of him climbing the class ladder further. No, he’d have been out at some fancy school, learning about all the newest ideas of math and science. By this time, he’d probably be teaching himself, or starting to become known for his contributions to whatever field he entered. He could have made his parents proud by becoming a famous professor.

But he had his reasons for refusing, good reasons. Really, one good reason, that his father couldn’t understand if he tried.

That reason was the same one that make him feel nauseous at the thought of marrying some rich girl. It’s the one that makes him stay awake late at night, waiting for the quiet knock on his door. It’s the only thing that makes him smile anymore, remembering the times when they would stand on the balcony outside Dan’s room and hold hands and kiss and whisper to each other, knowing the dangers of being spotted how they were but hardly caring because what is love if not taking risks?

That reason is Phil. He’s not a servant at the manor exactly, but he’s certainly not a noble like Dan’s family. That alone would be enough for a relationship between them to be scandalous, but on top of that, Phil is a man.

Now, that’s not a bad thing. To Dan, that is a good thing. For several years now, Dan has known he’s more attracted to men than to women, and has been (mostly) fine with that fact. Phil helped him be fine with that. Phil still helps him.

But to the larger world, and especially to that of the nobles Dan spends his days around, men being in relationships with men is as terrible and dangerous an idea as people not being Christian, or not knowing that Great Britain is the most powerful empire ever to exist. And so for nearly four years now, Dan has kept his relationship with Phil a secret from the world and from his parents.

Some of the servants know, Dan is sure of that. He can tell by the winks they give him when he mentions Phil, the knowing glances they send each other. When Dan says he’s going into town for the day, the cook wiggles her eyebrows and packs enough food for two people, instead of just him. When Dan mentions that he was up late the night before, the maid nods understandingly and tells him he has “good friends.” And when his father told Dan he was to be married, they all comforted him while he cried, and cried, and cried.

Dan’s downstairs now, and his mother’s waiting for him, hands on her hips. She looks annoyed. She always looks annoyed nowadays. Dan would think it’s just when she’s talking to him, but it’s too his father too, that same look: pursed lips and rolling eyes.

“Sorry,” Dan says. “I was held up.”

His mother sighs. “I know, I know. You’re always held up nowadays.”

“Sorry,” Dan repeats. He doesn’t know what else to say.

It seems his mother doesn’t either, because she just shoos him along. “Your father’s waiting,” she says. “Go on. You know he hates lateness.” She purses her lips at the last sentence. Dan nods.

They walk together to the dining room. Neither of them talk. They don’t have much to talk about now.

“Daniel,” his father says when Dan enters. Dan stops himself from wincing at the way his father says it. Sharp and distasteful, as if Dan’s name isn’t worth his words.

“Father.”

“I see you’re wearing your ring,” he says. Of course, the ring. The ring is the only important thing to his father. “Come on, sit down. The soup is already here.”

Dan’s mother gives him a small smile as she takes her seat, and rolls her eyes towards her husband. Dan almost smiles back. “I love soup,” she says brightly. Dan can tell she doesn’t mean a word she says. “No one makes squash soup better than our cooks.”

“Yes,” his father says, “well, we have more important things to discuss than soup. For example, Daniel’s upcoming marriage.” He smiles, and Dan knows bad news is coming. “We have a date!”

“Oh,” Dan’s mother responds before Dan can say anything, or more likely, throw up. “That’s… wonderful.” Her voice is so cheery it sounds dead inside.

“Wonderful,” Dan echoes, pasting a smile on his face and sounding even more dead inside.

“We’ll have it on the 29th,” his father continues. “It’ll be in their ballroom — far larger than ours, of course.” He glares at Dan. “Stop moping. You’re moving up! Soon you’ll be dining with the royal family.”

“And I am grateful for that opportunity,” Dan says, trying his best not to make it sound monotone. He almost groans when he looks up at the clock on the wall and sees it’s only been 10 minutes since he came downstairs. This is going to be a long afternoon.

Daniel spaces out through most of it, though, nodding and eating and every once in awhile saying something. Most of the time he just lets his mother talk instead. It’s a lot easier, and she’s better at it that he is. When he finally goes, Dan is drained, dragging his feet as he walks back up to his bedroom. All he wants to do is rip off his ring and fall on the bed and cry and sleep for days and days and days. But when he walks in, someone is already there.

“Hey.”

Dan smiles, his first real smile since the last time he saw Phil. “Hi.”

Phil’s sitting on the bed, so Dan walks over too and sits beside him, flopping down heavily. He must be practically radiating annoyance and exhaustion, or maybe Phil is just really good at reading him, because he holds Dan’s hand in the warm way he always does. “Are you good?”

Dan just leans in on Phil’s shoulder. He doesn’t respond. He doesn’t need to anymore. He feels Phil press a soft kiss to his forehead. The ring stays cold on his hand.

“Do you want to go outside?”

Dan nods, and Phil lifts him up partially as they stand, putting an arm around Dan’s shoulder so he can lean on Phil better. Phil is tall, just like Dan. They match each other better than Dan would with any girl.

When they step outside, Dan can feel the wind cold on his cheeks, making him shiver. It’s dark outside, with the only light being that of the street lamps below, lining the way to the manor, and the stars above. Phil once showed Dan how to find his way by the stars, starting from the North Star above.

_“The stars are a map to the whole world,” Phil told him that night, sitting with Dan on the balcony railing, swinging their legs and looking up at the dark sky. “You’ll never be lost if you know them well enough.” He always told Dan the stars were almost as special as him._

_“Not very special then,” Dan said. “What’s different about the stars?”_

_“They’re real,” Phil said. “They’re so far away, and they still show us how our small world looks.” He kissed Dan then, just a quick one, still holding onto the railing with one hand. Dan smiled. “It seems like they belong in fairytales, but they’re in our world anyway.”_

Phil always loved the stars. Now Dan loves them too.

Dan’s hands are on the freezing rail now, and the ring on his finger doesn’t feel so cold anymore. His head is on Phil’s shoulder, warm despite the cold outside.

“I wish I could marry you,” Dan says.

Phil drops his arm to Dan’s waist, pulling him even closer. “I wish that every night.”

Dan can see the stars above him, dizzying in their number, glittering brighter than any diamond. “If I kiss you under the stars, does that count?”

“We’ve already kissed under the stars. Loads of times.”

“Maybe we’re already married then,” Dan says. He turns towards Phil, so close now their chests are touching, like in a slow dance. He kisses Phil, and Phil kisses him back.

When Phil pulls away, they stay close together, their white breath mingling in the cold air. Phil looks up, and Dan knows he’s searching for the North Star. He’s finding their way.

Eventually, Phil smiles. “Maybe we are.”

**Author's Note:**

> say hi on tumblr @iamalwaysclowning  
:)


End file.
